Cuckolding: Meaning, Types, Feelings and Real Experiences

Lady Sas, Femdom expert and author, explains everything you need to know in this cuckolding guide – with references to chastity cages, tease and denial, and FLR (Female Led Relationship). You’ll also find more practical insights in our Femdom section and in our BDSM guide.

Updated: October 27, 2025.

Cuckold meaning / definition: The term “cuckold” comes from BDSM and describes a man who is in a committed relationship and whose wife openly enjoys sexual encounters with other men. This can be within a marriage, a committed partnership, or a Femdom–male sub relationship. The cuckold may be aroused by the fact that his wife has sex with other men, but arousal is not a mandatory element for someone to be considered a cuckold.

It can also be the opposite: he may suffer from the fact that other men are allowed to have his wife. In Femdom–male sub relationships, cuckolding is often used by the dominant woman (the Mistress) to humiliate and degrade the submissive. Other men receive what the slave can only dream of. She can also humiliate her slave by keeping him in chastity and locking his penis in a chastity device. The word “chastity belt” is a bit misleading today, because nowadays it’s usually a chastity cage or chastity tube that encloses the penis.

Please note: It’s crucial to understand that cuckolding is a consensual dynamic between adults and definitely not something that reflects social norms. It’s a roleplay scenario where two (or more) adults step into defined roles to heighten arousal. Although people often assume otherwise, the relationship between cuckold and hotwife is usually very close and affectionate, based on respect and mutual care.

Origin of the word “cuckold”.

The term “cuckold” has a long, almost literary history. It goes back to the Old French word cucuault, which itself derives from the Latin cuculus – the cuckoo. The comparison comes from the cuckoo’s behavior: it lays its eggs in other birds’ nests and lets them raise the chicks.

In medieval Europe, that behavior was used as a metaphor for women who secretly had another man’s child and passed it off to their husband. The husband was said to have been “given horns,” meaning he was cheated on. People said the unfaithful wife “put horns on him.” The word “cuckolding” is documented in English as early as the late 16th century and refers to different relationship constellations involving more than one sexual partner.

The word carried a clear, shaming meaning and even appeared in classic literature such as Shakespeare’s works, often connected to the image of “putting horns” on a man who had been cheated on.

Want to feel what cuckolds and hotwives feel? My book “Cuckold Stories” explores lust, jealousy, humiliation and devotion in detail. It is also available as an audiobook.

What do cuckolds enjoy about cuckolding?

Cuckold fetish explained: A cuckold can be aroused by his wife’s sexual encounters with other men, but this is not always the case. Very often we’re talking about men with a submissive or even masochistic tendency who become aroused when a woman humiliates them. This is especially common in Femdom–male sub relationships. The man loves surrendering control to his partner and fulfilling her desires.

Watching his wife have sex with another man creates a deep sense of humiliation, which can be intensely erotic. The emotion is heightened when he is made to “prepare” the encounter – for example, setting the scene, serving drinks, cleaning up, holding toys, or even physically assisting. The cuckold may also be dominated by the lover.

There are also cuckolds who enjoy watching their wife with another man and then having sex with her afterwards. For them, cuckolding works more like intense foreplay and not like humiliation.

And there are men who become cuckolds out of love. They may have sexual difficulties – for example due to erectile dysfunction – and still want their partner to have a fulfilling sex life. As you can see, it’s highly individual and there are many variations.

What do cuckolds feel when their wife sleeps with another man?

Many cuckolds experience a very complex mix of emotions. On the one hand, there is intense arousal from voyeurism, from breaking a taboo, or from the conscious act of submission and surrender. Some feel pride and pleasure that their wife is deeply desired and gets powerful sexual satisfaction. At the same time, insecurity, jealousy, or the erotic sting of humiliation can also be part of the arousal.

What do women enjoy about cuckolding?

Hotwife & cuckold – what does the woman feel?
The woman (often called the “hotwife”) enjoys being desired by both the cuckold and her lover. The lover in cuckolding is often called the “bull.” That word already hints at what she expects from him: exactly what her husband cannot or must not provide – hot, wild, powerful, passionate, primal, animal sex.

That’s what she gets from her bull, her lover.

Especially in Femdom–male sub relationships, the couple’s sexuality is often not expressed through conventional intercourse, but through BDSM practices. The slave’s passion might come out, for example, in worshipping her high heels and her feet, kissing them, massaging them, serving her with total devotion. He adores her and serves her, but is often no longer allowed to have penetrative sex with her.

A long-term emotional bond with the bull is also possible.

What do bulls enjoy about cuckolding?

The bull enjoys the freedom of having sex with the hotwife without having to enter into a full, committed relationship. For him, the appeal is often fast, uncomplicated sex without a long buildup. He doesn’t have to “win her over” in the traditional sense – she is already open and actively seeking erotic pleasure with him.

Some bulls are also aroused by holding power over the cuckold, humiliating him and dominating him. They like being watched and enjoy showing both of them “how it’s really done.”

On the other hand, there are bulls who are not at all interested in interacting with the husband or partner. For them that part is uncomfortable and they prefer to keep distance.

How can a woman get her lover interested in cuckolding?

Most potential lovers hesitate when they first hear about cuckolding. Their first thought is usually: “Wait, so there’s another man in the room? Am I supposed to compete with him?”

Here’s a good strategy: The woman can take this fear away by first introducing the cuckold as a “sissy.”

The sissy role removes any sense of threat. With a chastity device, feminine clothing, wig and makeup, the cuckold is not presented as a rival male, but as a submissive maid. His or “her” job is to serve quietly, assist the couple, and appear more like amusing or bizarre background decoration than like “the other man.”

For the lover, that changes everything. He no longer has to compare himself to a rival. He sees that the cuckold is not competition, and can focus on his role as the bull. The woman makes her lover’s entry into cuckolding easier by defining clear roles and defusing tension from the start.

My friend Lady Victoria has successfully done this in practice, it worked very well.

What’s behind the appeal of cuckolding?

There are many possible triggers. First, breaking a taboo is always exciting. In a traditional monogamous relationship, you’re supposed to be faithful. Cheating on your husband is taboo. Doing it openly is “definitely not allowed.” Which makes it all the more thrilling to break that rule. It’s daring, hot, electric. For many women, being able to live out their sexuality so openly is incredibly intoxicating.

Many cuckolds describe deep feelings of inferiority. They see themselves as unable to sexually satisfy their partner. They believe their penis is too small, too thin, too ugly, too soft. They think they’re physically not attractive enough. Or they assume they are simply inferior to “real men.”

To express this sense of inferiority, people often use the term “beta male.” An “alpha male” stands for exactly what many women stereotypically find attractive: dominance, presence, physical strength, sexual potency, confidence, authority, and the ability to take control.

Does cuckolding also work the other way around?

Yes. There are also women who become sexually aroused when their steady partner has sex with other women. In that case, the woman is called a “cuckquean” (that’s not a typo; it’s spelled cuckquean, not “cuckqueen”).

Is wife-sharing the same as cuckolding?

No. Wife-sharing usually describes a dominant man who “shares” his (often submissive) wife with other men.

What’s the difference between cuckolding and cheating?

In mainstream culture, the expectation is: a woman should be sexually faithful to her man. Part of the thrill of cuckolding comes from consciously breaking that exact rule. Cuckolding happens openly. The woman doesn’t hide the fact that she’s meeting another man. Quite the opposite – she rubs it in. She openly “shows” the cuckold that she’s “cheating.”

How is cuckolding different from swinging or an open relationship?

In cuckolding, the core fantasy is that the cuckold allows – or is made to allow – his wife to have sex with another man (the bull). The erotic charge comes from the specific power dynamic: the bull is active and dominant, the woman experiences sexual freedom and attention, and the original partner, the cuckold, is made to remain passive, submissive, or excluded. Many people find the mix of voyeurism, domination, and taboo-breaking extremely arousing.

Swinging is different. Swingers are couples (or groups) who meet to trade partners or have sex together. The experience is based on equality. It’s not mainly about humiliation or power imbalance; it’s about novelty, curiosity, and exploring fantasies together. Both partners are active participants and enjoy the situation on equal footing.

An open relationship is again something else. It’s more of a relationship model than a specific sexual scenario. Both partners allow each other to have sexual – and sometimes even emotional – connections outside the relationship. The focus is not on voyeurism or “who’s watching whom,” but on freedom, honesty, and self-determination. Open relationships can look very different in practice, from occasional flings to long-term polyamorous constellations.

Which cuckolding terms should you know?

• Bull: the wife’s lover
• C1 cuckold: beginner cuckold
• C2 cuckold: advanced cuckold
• C3 cuckold: “never-inside” cuckold
• Cuckold / cuck: the “horned” man
• Cuckquean: the “horned” woman
• Putting horns on a man: openly cheating on him
• Femdom: dominant woman / Mistress
• Horned: cheated on
• Hotwife: a woman who openly enjoys sex with other men
• Male sub: male submissive / male slave
• Filly / “mare”: slang for a woman who openly enjoys multiple lovers. The nuance here is that she lets herself be taken by the bull in a very raw, primal way – although this doesn’t always have to be the case.
• Sub: a submissive owned/controlled by a dominant woman
• Wife-sharing: a man “shares” his wife with other men

What do real couples say about cuckolding?

Cuckolding experiences: This is highly individual. On Lady-Sas.com you’ll find interviews with couples who openly talk about how they live cuckolding in real life:

• Cuckold couple Troi in interview (coming soon)

Cuckolding experiences from couple “Troi.”

In their interview, Troi – a married couple with two young children from Potsdam (near Berlin) in Germany – explain how they’ve been living BDSM and cuckolding together for over ten years. They have to carefully work their erotic dynamic into everyday life, because with kids and jobs, spontaneity is almost impossible. Their journey started with workshops and Femdom events, where they discovered their preferences: humiliation, power exchange and exploring limits.

For the wife (Seni), cuckolding is mainly about power and emotional intensity: She loves making her husband feel replaceable. For him, the thrill lies in humiliation, chastity, and the bittersweet shock of watching her be intimate with someone else. When they look for bulls, they’re careful: chemistry matters, physical compatibility matters, and the bull has to understand the dynamic. They’ve also had frustrating or difficult encounters.

They both stress how important communication is. Desires must be named clearly and agreed on in advance, because spontaneous opportunities are rare. They say porn is not a good blueprint for reality; honest exchange and good literature are more helpful. The husband wears a locked chastity device long-term, sometimes even a full chastity belt. Seni either keeps the key herself or locks it away somewhere safe.

Some of their most intense scenes involved needles, electricity play, whipping, and sex with other men while the husband watched. He recalls one club meeting that humiliated him so deeply that he wanted the floor to swallow him. Looking forward, they’d love to create more deliberate “time-out weekends” for their erotic life, or maybe even take on a regular house lover – but always in a way that keeps their family and children at the center.

What about you? Are you a hotwife, a bull, or a cuckold? Do you have tips for others? Feel free to share your experience in the comments.

FAQs

What is a cuckold?
A cuckold is a man in a committed relationship whose wife openly has sex with other men. This can happen in a marriage, a long-term partnership, or a Femdom–male sub relationship. It can be erotic for him, but it can also be painful or humiliating.

What does “cuckolding” mean?
Cuckolding is the consensual dynamic in which a woman (often called a hotwife) sleeps with another man (the bull) while her partner knows about it. Sometimes the cuckold watches, sometimes he is kept in chastity, teased, or humiliated.

Is cuckolding always humiliation?
No. For some men, the humiliation and powerlessness are part of the arousal. For others, it works more like foreplay: watching their wife with another man turns them on and they have sex with her afterwards. For some, it’s simply a way to make sure their partner has a fulfilling sex life.

What does the woman get out of cuckolding?
The woman enjoys sexual freedom, attention, and the feeling of being wanted. She can let herself go with the bull and still be adored and served by her submissive partner.

What does the bull get out of cuckolding?
The bull usually enjoys intense, direct, uncomplicated sex without having to invest in a full relationship. Some bulls also like the power dynamic: being watched, being in control, and outperforming the cuckold.

What does the cuckold actually feel during it?
Most describe a very mixed emotional state: arousal, jealousy, pride, shame, surrender, and sometimes deep intimacy. Many say that the emotional intensity is exactly why it’s so powerful.

Is cuckolding cheating?
No, not in this context. Cheating means doing it secretly. Cuckolding is done openly and is negotiated in advance. The wife doesn’t hide it — that openness is part of the thrill.

Is cuckolding the same as swinging?
No. Swinging is usually about couples playing together or swapping partners on equal terms. Cuckolding is about an unequal power dynamic: hotwife + bull in the spotlight, cuckold in a submissive or excluded role.

What is a cuckquean?
A cuckquean is a woman who is turned on by her partner having sex with other women.

Does cuckolding only exist in kinky BDSM relationships?
No. Some couples live it as humiliation play in a Femdom dynamic with chastity and teasing. Others do it in a loving, long-term relationship as a way of exploring desire, even with kids and normal jobs. It’s not always extreme — but it’s always consensual.

Who’s writing here?

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