Real Femdom Interview: BlackNightLady, Germany

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Yes, they do exist: private Mistresses who genuinely enjoy BDSM and live it out with pleasure. But unfortunately, they’re far too rare. BlackNightLady is one of them. In the following interview, we learn more about her perspective and her mindset. Enjoy!

Lady Sas: Please tell us how you first came into contact with the more “extreme” side of BDSM.

BlackNightLady: The word “bizarre” doesn’t really exist in my mind. To me, it feels limiting and also judgmental. Everyone understands the word “bizarre” differently. For me, it’s simply a part of who I am—like my arm or my leg. Nothing unusual or foreign. Still, I’m happy to share how I found my way into this direction.

I visited a strip club for the first time as a guest when I was 18. That’s where I discovered many deep—and even deeper—facets and corners of life. And of course, I also met a few dominatrices. One lady in particular was absolutely stunning. So elegant, so natural, so perfect in everything she did and everything she was. A true wow moment. I immediately felt like I belonged. I wanted to know everything, see everything, and I asked a million questions. You do need a certain inner structure to feel that kind of delicious thrill. It’s like constant goosebumps while you’re sitting on a Harley, enjoying that untamed freedom.

Real Femdom Interview with BlackNightLady

Lady Sas: How would you describe yourself as a femdom?

BlackNightLady: I was already dominant as a girl. I liked it—and it also gave me an inner sense of satisfaction, especially being allowed to step into people’s minds long before I ever entered this wonderful world. Once I stepped into it, even more doors opened—endless doors, especially for the body *grins*. I love the mix of mental and physical expression. That perfect interaction. *Lost in thought*.

For me personally, femdom—or any of these labels—is just a word to describe different aspects, something to make it easier to understand on the surface. I believe what I live is a beautiful side of femininity—a strength that exists in every woman. Some more, some less.

Lady Sas: What excites you about BDSM on the active side?

BlackNightLady: Gently entering someone’s mind. The fascination of seeing how the other person can open up and become freer and freer. Experiencing and living it. Trying things out—and sometimes being allowed to realize, “Okay, that wasn’t really a hit. In my head it was way better.” *laughs* That’s part of it too, and it should be talked about.

But I also really enjoy moving toward boundaries little by little, pausing, and then crossing them together. The trust someone gives you, the intensity and emotional depth that comes with it. Challenging and encouraging them, but also catching them and slowing down when needed. And again, it all comes back to the word freedom. Because that’s what it means to me: mental and physical freedom—to be and live as you truly are.

“Every path has its detours” – BlackNightLady

Lady Sas: What matters most to you in a sub?

BlackNightLady: Honesty and respect. Truly—the two most important things to me. Without them, there can be no shared foundation. Everything else that can follow is built on that. It doesn’t matter whether someone is experienced or inexperienced. At the end of the day, the person in the collar is just as human as the one holding the leash.

Everything else can be trained, learned, and shaped if it’s not there yet. *smiles*. (Lady Sas tip on learning and training: My guidebook Femdom Academy helps femdoms and subs reliably.) Because you may have an idea in the beginning where things will probably go—but on every path, there are turn-offs, obstacles, and unexpected changes. Ideally, it keeps evolving.

Lady Sas: I’m sure you get a lot of applications. Can you share a tip on what applicants could do better?

BlackNightLady: Yes. First of all, the writer should have at least a rough idea of who he actually is. Because very often, I receive applications that would be more appropriate for other areas—but not for BDSM. And unfortunately, I keep seeing one-liners or two-liners. And if it’s not that, then it’s constant entertainment spam in my inbox.

Applicants should know who they’re applying to and why—which, in my understanding, means they should actually read the profile, and maybe even related profiles as well. They should tailor their application accordingly, and then—most importantly—be patient. And a “no” should be respected as a “no.” I also think it’s important that a lady is never someone’s boredom cure. That gets forgotten a lot, and it’s extremely annoying and disrespectful.

“A very explosive mix”

Lady Sas: Please tell us how the relationships between you, your “IT-object,” and your sissy are structured.

BlackNightLady: *grins* They couldn’t be more different in this context. I have certain traits and facets that wouldn’t be easy to live out. For some individuals, it would probably be too extreme. With my “IT-object,” it was completely different. We didn’t even look for each other, but we found each other—like a burning fire—two extreme hearts in each of us, wanting to merge and become one.

What I live in terms of sadism, he is able to endure. And I don’t just mean physically—mentally as well, he is like winning the lottery for me personally. My “IT-object” is, in his real nature, anything but submissive and definitely not naive. That’s exactly what I love: a truly explosive mix. Filled with deep emotion and passion, with intense trust, with coldness and warmth… Hard to describe. You could say: for my one extreme, he is the counterpart that makes it possible for me to live it—and for him to want it too. One of those “it only happens once” connections. Outside of that, we still meet as equals.

My sissy originally used to be into diapers. *laughs out loud*. If you read some reports, it’s hard to believe. After our first meeting as sissy, his butt still hurt two days later. And I think that moment will never be forgotten. Over the years, we’ve crossed many boundaries together. Many areas have intensified, expanded, and sometimes even shocked her—so she needed to be guided back gently.

But privately, my sissy has also become a very good friend over the years. I love the possibilities of living and sharing so many different facets.

Lady Sas: If you could travel back in time 10 years—what would you tell your younger self?

BlackNightLady: That the paths you take are meant to happen exactly as they come. That you don’t have to question everything in order to live. And that what matters most is arriving within yourself—being at peace with yourself and being allowed to be who you are. Life is constant learning, and it should be used.

“Life is constant learning” – BlackNightLady

Lady Sas: Do you have an idea for a BDSM tool that doesn’t exist yet—but absolutely should?

BlackNightLady: *smirks* A lot of ideas come to mind, but that might blow up your blog—and I’m sure many builders are already working on them. (Which I have a lot of respect for, by the way.) But I’d be tempted (control) by a kind of camera where you could see everything from the sub’s point of view while you’re interacting—excluding private life, of course, if there’s family, etc.—especially over distance. That would be really nice. With video and audio.

Imagine the sub is standing in a grocery store, about to pick tomatoes—and suddenly he hears he should damn well pick different ones. The reaction would be… *bursting out laughing*

Lady Sas: What are your plans for the future?

BlackNightLady: I want to expand and grow in my career—and I’d also like to go to Sweden, into the small old villages. I love other cultures, languages, their uniqueness, and old traditions. Fascinating.

What I would wish for the future is that people open up more about the sexual side of themselves instead of living it in secret—or suppressing it. And I wish for more education about BDSM. It’s not a tumor that needs to be removed, and as a result, people shouldn’t be portrayed as “not normal.” Because let’s be honest: at the end of the day, everyone has their hidden fantasies and dreams.

Lady Sas: Thank you for the interview.

Who writes on Lady-Sas.com?

FAQs

Who is BlackNightLady?

BlackNightLady is a real-life, private femdom who describes BDSM as a natural and deeply personal part of who she is. In this interview, she shares her mindset, experiences, and what truly matters to her in a sub.

What is this Real Femdom interview about?

This Real Femdom interview explores BlackNightLady’s personal approach to dominance, freedom, trust, boundaries, and the emotional intensity of BDSM—without the usual clichés or stereotypes.

Why does BlackNightLady reject the word “bizarre”?

She feels the word is limiting and judgmental. For her, BDSM is not something strange or foreign—it’s simply part of her nature, as normal as an arm or a leg.

How did BlackNightLady first get into BDSM?

She describes her first major encounter with this world at 18, when she visited a strip club and met dominatrices. One particular woman impressed her deeply with elegance, confidence, and natural authority.

How does BlackNightLady describe herself as a femdom?

She says she was already dominant as a girl. For her, femdom is less a label and more an inner attitude—a form of femininity and strength that can exist in every woman.

What excites BlackNightLady about BDSM on the active side?

She loves the mental aspect of BDSM—“entering someone’s mind” gently and watching them open up. She also enjoys exploring physical intensity, trying new things, and talking honestly about what works and what doesn’t.

What role does freedom play in her BDSM mindset?

Freedom is central to her. She describes BDSM as mental and physical freedom: being able to live as your authentic self, without shame, hiding, or suppression.

What matters most to BlackNightLady in a sub?

She names honesty and respect as the foundation of everything. Without them, no dynamic can grow. Everything else—skills, behavior, experience—can be learned and developed over time.

Does experience matter to her when it comes to subs?

No. She says it doesn’t matter whether someone is experienced or inexperienced. What matters is character, respect, and the ability to build a stable foundation.

What frustrates her about many applications from subs?

She criticizes one-liners, spam-like messages, and applications that show the person hasn’t read her profile. She also finds it disrespectful when someone treats a Mistress like entertainment or a cure for boredom.

What advice does she give to subs who want to apply?

She recommends knowing who you are, reading the Mistress’s profile carefully, writing a tailored message, and showing patience. She also stresses that “no” must be accepted respectfully.

How does BlackNightLady view boundaries in BDSM?

She describes BDSM as a path with turn-offs and obstacles. Boundaries can shift and expand, but only through trust, communication, and the right pace.

How does she describe her relationship with her “IT-object”?

She describes it as rare, intense, and emotionally deep—full of passion, trust, and extremes. She emphasizes that her partner is mentally strong and not simply submissive, which makes the connection feel powerful and unique.

What does she say about sadism in her dynamic?

She suggests that she lives out sadistic facets both physically and mentally. Her “IT-object” is the rare partner who can endure—and consciously wants—this intensity.

How is her relationship with her sissy different?

She describes the sissy dynamic as completely different from her “IT-object.” Over the years, it evolved through many shared boundary experiences and also grew into a close personal friendship outside the kink context.

What would BlackNightLady tell her younger self?

She would tell herself that paths unfold as they’re meant to, and that life doesn’t need constant questioning. What matters most is arriving within yourself and embracing life as constant learning.

What BDSM tool idea does BlackNightLady wish existed?

She imagines a camera system that lets a Mistress see and hear from the sub’s point of view—especially long-distance—while excluding private family life. She finds the idea both exciting and humorous, especially in everyday situations.

What are BlackNightLady’s plans for the future?

She wants to grow professionally and dreams of moving to Sweden—especially into small, old villages. She’s fascinated by cultures, languages, and traditions.

What does BlackNightLady wish for BDSM in society?

She wishes for more openness and education. In her view, BDSM is not something “sick” or abnormal—it’s part of human sexuality, and most people have hidden fantasies and desires.

Is this Real Femdom interview good for beginners?

Yes. Beginners get a realistic look into how a private femdom thinks and what she values. Experienced readers will recognize core themes like respect, communication, boundaries, and mental dominance.