Pegging Guide – Strap-On Sex Explained Safely and Simply

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Updated: October 29, 2025

Pegging guide for beginners and for more experienced players. Everything you need to know for strap-on fun.

What does pegging mean?

Pegging (often called “strap-on sex”) is anal penetration in which a woman uses a strap-on to penetrate a man. The appeal is the role reversal and, in many cases, prostate stimulation. What matters most: consent, lots of lube, a slow start, and careful communication.

Anal sex with a strap-on is extremely popular among Femdoms and male subs. Pegging flips the usual script: not the man entering the woman, but the woman entering the man. This reversal of the “normal” roles is incredibly exciting for many people in BDSM because it lets them experience something completely new. The Domme often describes the feeling of power as a “mental orgasm.” The sub can fully surrender and experience the act as humiliating — which, for a submissive man, can be intensely arousing.

So it’s no surprise that pegging is widely practiced and very popular in the BDSM scene. It’s role reversal taken to the limit.

Pegging: Which positions works especially well?

Pegging over the bench

A very popular position is when the sub lies with his stomach over a spanking bench (or a stable table). His legs are spread, his butt pushed out. Often his hands and ankles are restrained to the bench so he “can’t resist.” That’s mainly there to turn on the mental cinema — obviously everything is consensual and never against the sub’s will.

The Domme stands behind the sub and approaches him with her strap-on. This is actually more comfortable for the Domme than, for example, a cowgirl position. The sub is completely at her mercy. She can see him, but he can’t see her. Bonus: in a standing position she has great control over the strap-on.

Pegging in missionary position

What about classic missionary? Missionary is less common in pegging. First, because it’s physically demanding for the Domme. Second, because she can usually control the strap-on more precisely while standing.

Important: there’s no “right” or “wrong” position. The right position is the one that feels good. The bench position has a lot of practical advantages. But if you prefer another position — go for it. In the end you shouldn’t listen to what others say, you should do whatever makes you feel best. One note, though: don’t underestimate how tiring missionary can be. If you really want to “ride” your sub properly in that position, you’ll need stamina and core strength.

The bench position I described above works well for both beginners and advanced players. The sub can relax and the Domme has great access to his anus.

A sex swing can also work very well: the sub leans back in the sling with his legs spread. If you’re in a well-equipped BDSM studio or apartment, you can also consider using the gynecologist chair.

“During pegging, you’re not really stimulating his butt. You’re stimulating a different body part: his brain.”

– Lady Sas

Pegging tips

Subs who have little or no experience with strap-ons need to be guided in gently. Subs relax better when they feel they’re in good hands and the Domme knows what she’s doing. Trust in the Femdom is the best antidote to fear.

A woman who’s not super experienced yet can still build trust by going slowly and carefully. I recommend starting with disposable gloves and just exploring gently with fingers — always with a lot of lube. The sub will notice that he’s with an attentive, considerate Domme and will slowly relax.

Tip: Before you do anything serious, give the sub a massage. Soft, with both hands, until he’s mentally in the scene. Stroke his back, his butt, his legs. Take away his fear by reassuring him that he’ll enjoy this and that you’ll be gentle with him.

Use erotic talk. Say things like “I’m going to ride you so nicely, little pony,” or “that a*** is mine,” or anything in that direction. Erotic language turns the sub on, and an aroused sub is much more willing to let go and submit.

Tip: You can prepare the sub for the strap-on by inserting an anal plug at the start of the session. That way his anus gradually stretches and gets used to more.

Tip: He can also get an enema kit at the pharmacy. You fill the rectum with liquid to rinse it — that way he feels cleaner and more prepared for his “anal training.”

Tip: Send your sub the link to this pegging guide so he also knows what’s coming.

Pegging foreplay = testing and warming up

Once the sub is mentally in the scene and has allowed himself to relax, put on disposable gloves and apply plenty of lube to your index or middle finger. Tell him you’re going to check how tight he is and whether he’s “broken in” yet. Gently, slowly, and carefully slide your finger into his anus. Be careful not to hurt him. Take your time and talk to him calmly. He has to relax and open up; then it won’t hurt.

Let your finger glide in and out slowly until it becomes a thrusting motion. Describe what you’re doing: “Yes, that’s good, slave. Now I’m f*ing your tight little a**.”

If the movement works without resistance, try a second finger — and maybe a third. If he’s too tight for three fingers, stick to two (or even just one, that’s fine too).

Safety and risks in pegging

Every sub is different. One guy can take huge dildos with no problem, the next one complains the moment a finger goes in. Take the complaining seriously, even if it annoys you. It’s better to be too gentle than too rough. Never forget: you are responsible for the sub’s health, and the anal area is sensitive. Always use enough lube. Never let yourself get carried away and start pounding hard with fast, jerky thrusts.

Pegging is fun, yes. But it’s not totally risk-free. Go slowly and gently and everything should be fine. Pay attention to his reactions. Ask now and then if he’s okay. If he’s in real pain, stop immediately. A little “good pain” can be part of the game. Full-on panic and obvious distress are not.

Pegging step-by-step: how to actually do it

Once the sub is nicely stretched and relaxed, you can slowly insert the strap-on (with a condom on it, of course). Make sure the girth matches what you felt with your fingers. Never just ram the strap-on in by force.

Be sensitive and observe the sub. Is his moaning aroused, or is it pain? If it doesn’t sound like pleasure, pull back and ask what’s going on. Maybe there wasn’t enough lube. Maybe he tensed up because he got scared. Maybe the strap-on is too big.

Talk it through calmly. Don’t pressure yourself to “get it done right now.” And definitely don’t let the sub pressure you either. There’s no rush. If it doesn’t work now, you can try again another time. Take away his fear. Even if he insists he’s “not scared,” believe me: almost all beginners are a little nervous.

If everything feels good, the strap-on will slide into his anus. Tell him what you’re doing. You can even position him in front of a mirror so he can watch. Slowly increase the pace, grab his hips, and really ride him. Enjoy the power. Own him. Spank his butt from time to time and use erotic talk so it becomes an intense experience for him too.

Sex happens in the mind. The physical act of penetration is just the base layer. Pegging becomes truly exciting through what you say while you’re doing it. It’s the Domme’s job to create an unforgettable experience. If she’s silent, it probably won’t be that great. If she talks, controls, teases, humiliates, reassures, commands — that’s when it becomes electric. No sub wants to just be taken “mechanically.” That’s boring.

Strap-on shape and size

Let’s talk shape and size. Basically: anything that feels good is okay. Anything that hurts is not okay. In the beginning, thin and short is totally fine. Early on, the main goal is to reduce his fear and help him enjoy the role reversal. A man who gets overwhelmed with a huge toy right away probably won’t want to try again.

Size is often completely misunderstood. It’s not about “bigger, thicker, deeper.” During pegging, you’re not really stimulating his butt. You’re stimulating a different body part: his brain.

The most important part of pegging: the mindfuck

The hottest part of pegging is the taboo in his head: “We’re doing something forbidden. Extreme. Dirty. Intense.” That’s where most of the erotic energy comes from.

A good Domme actively feeds that fantasy and turns up the heat with words. That turns him on much more than the biggest strap-on. Most women don’t “fail” because of technique or gear. They fail because they don’t use their voice to take the sub on a mental adventure.

That mental journey is the whole point for him. He wants to let go, experience something new, step into a different role, and be sexually overwhelmed. A woman who just silently thrusts into his ass has missed the point. She’s throwing away 90% of the potential. The mindfuck is even hotter than the physical act. Only a Femdom who also feeds the sub’s head truly “owns” him.

Why do Femdoms enjoy pegging?

What’s the appeal of swapping roles? I’ll answer from my own point of view. First of all: I love being a woman and I love sex with an active partner. But it’s also incredibly enticing to slip into the “active” role myself.

This radical exchange of roles — the woman becomes “the man,” the man becomes “the woman” — is so powerful for me because I feel pure power. In that moment, the sub belongs to me. I penetrate him — not just physically, but symbolically. I take possession of him. That’s an intense, intoxicating feeling that I savor. Sometimes it’s like a mental orgasm. Just because I don’t physically feel the strap-on doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything at all. On the contrary.

I hope this pegging guide helped you and you feel more confident now. Happy pegging and have fun!

Pegging Guide FAQs

Does pegging hurt?
With good preparation, lots of lube, and a slow pace, it shouldn’t be painful. If it hurts, stop immediately.

Which lube should we use?
Water-based lube or (if the toy allows it) medical-grade silicone lube. Avoid oil- or fat-based products when you’re using latex gloves or condoms.

What size is best for beginners?
Start with a small diameter and short length. You can move up later.

Is pegging only for straight couples?
No. The word describes the practice, not an orientation. It’s traditionally discussed as a male–female role reversal, but anyone can enjoy it.

Where does the word “pegging” come from?
It became popular as a coined term in 2001, pushed by sex columnist Dan Savage.

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