Domina M is a Goddess of her craft. At a young age, the U.S. native learned the magic from the well-known Mistress Simone Justice in Los Angeles and has continuously expanded over the years. She has gained BDSM experience all over the world and finally chose Paris as her center of life. On my site there are many interviews with experienced mistresses, but Domina M shows knowledge that goes far beyond „very good“. She understands the slave in his psychological depth and plays virtuously with the needs of his mind. In the interview Domina M also reveals how she thinks about German BDSM and gives an insight into her private life. Enjoy!
Lady Sas: Please explain how you first came into contact with BDSM and how you developed into a dominatrix.
Domina M: I never had an „Ah-ha!“ moment for BDSM. Instead, the seeds were planted when I devoured comics and trashy science fiction books at a young age, which alluded to fetish and power exchange. I socialized with the punk/goth/alternative crowd as a teenager. We felt sexuality needed to be intellectual and savage at the same time. We thought we were so evolved. (In hindsight, we were just pretentious nerds.) BDSM scenarios developed in my head even before my first romantic relationship. It wasn’t accurate at the time, but it was there nonetheless.
Notable influences were The Beauty Trilogy by A. N. Roquelaure (better known as Anne Rice) and Æon Flux from MTVs Liquid Television. When I read S&M 101 by Jay Wieseman and Different Loving by Gloria G. Brame in my early 20s, I began practicing in the real world what I had only imagined.
Of course, it is one thing to have daydreams, even with the clothes and equipment, but quite another to act on these desires. A person can have the will and the wherewithal, but she still needs the training. No one is born knowing the proper way to throw a whip and the places on the body best suited to land those strikes. Few people in their 20s have the psychological know-how to deconstruct negotiation communication and create a BDSM scene from hints and suggestions.
Fortunately for me, when I was in Los Angeles, Simone Justice took me under her wing and into her dungeon chambers, The Halls of Justice on Sunset Boulevard. When I met her, she had just received her Masters in psychology and assembled a fantastic group of women to practice FemDom. I was lucky to have this incubator to nurture my desires into skills and technical abilities. Not only did I learn techniques but also the mental context for them in many, many different psychological profiles. With this training, I became self-actualized as a domina at an early age.
Playtime is special to me. It’s like the secret chocolates you have saved to make your day the best day it can be.
Domina M
Interview with Domina M, Paris
Lady Sas: What do you love about BDSM?
Domina M: Oh, so many things. The overriding element is creating an extraordinary world. Sometimes I imagine a glass sphere surrounding my dungeon. Nothing exists outside of this sphere. I make all the rules inside. Everyone is safe. This isolation allows for an incredible level of vulnerability unmatched in the vanilla world, facilitating more significant connections. And that’s what’s it really all about, isn’t it? Connecting.
I love the protocols and rituals, the clothing and imagery, the combination of otherworldliness, and yet keeping it grounded just enough to always be believable. I love to be possessed by the scene like a musician is possessed by the song allowing the play to ebb and flow until it culminates.
Playtime is special to me. It’s like the secret chocolates you have saved to make your day the best day it can be.
Lady Sas: Why did you choose Paris as the center of your life?
Domina M: I feel Paris chose me. I never had that romantic dream of Paris so many Americans have. When I came here and played, I saw a need for my approach to domination, which brought me back until I settled permanently. Most newcomers leave after six months when Paris does not live up to their ideals. Accepting the good and, very much, the bad of Paris, I have grown to love it here and can’t imagine leaving.
Lady Sas: You dominated slaves in New York, Barcelona, London, Antwerp, Dubai, Doha, Hong Kong, and Paris. Are there differences, or are all slaves more or less the same?
Domina M: Oh dear, no, very different. Yes, there is a power exchange, sensation seeking, and elements of eroticism, but they are expressed very differently. I find it to be a microcosm of their culture. (It has both expanded my BDSM skills and solidified my confidence in my cultural BDSM origin. It won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but I am sure when it is, it really is.)
With FemmeDomme, it really has to do with cultural views on feminine ideals and can be pretty fascinating in its own right. For example, many Middle-Eastern cities are culturally very patriarchal. The submission in the dominance/submission is profound. Dubai, in particular, is status-obsessed, so luxury women’s fashion is expected. Luckily the culture includes adoring the mistress in said luxury.
New Yorkers are sensation seekers. It may be pain. It may be pleasure. It’s got to be a lot, and it’s got to be constant. If you truly want to punish a New Yorker, leave him alone with his thoughts. New Yorkers can be submissive, but they will sure tell you what FemmeDomme is and is not (to them).
My dear Parisians are sensitive and cerebral. Even in a heavy sado/maso scene, one must approach gently. Like most things French, so much of the communication lies in what is not said. Each one is like a puzzle that I must figure out. Stand-alone BDSM is new here, and people are still figuring it out. There’s no culture (or counter-culture, if you will) of Kink that one finds in New York, London, Berlin, etc.
Domina M, Paris
The US is fascinated with the German take on BDSM and puts it on a pedestal. I know so many slaves in the US who dream of serving a German mistress–especially one with a robust and powerful accent
Domina M
Domina M about German BDSM
Lady Sas: What image do you have in mind when you think of German BDSM?
Domina M: I think of German BDSM as I think of everything German–direct focus on perfect engineering. My suspension rig was custom crafted in Germany and is a marvel. So much thought went into it.
The US is fascinated with the German take on BDSM and puts it on a pedestal. I know so many slaves in the US who dream of serving a German mistress–especially one with a robust and powerful accent. I have a fascination with it as well.
When I think of German BDSM, I think of elaborate gear–leather, latex, metal, and well-trained practitioners. It’s all very serious. For me, it is the ultimate representation of BDSM.
Lady Sas: You can look back on over 25 years of experience. Does there come a time when you think that nothing can surprise you anymore and that you have experienced everything before?
Domina M: Never. I am constantly being surprised, even in the way I am surprised. I feel I could be a professional domina for 100 years, and things would still shock me. Consider at any given time, I am having 20 conversations on different platforms. People share the darkest parts of their psyche with me, secrets they don’t tell their psychologists. 99.9% of the time, I reassure people they are not that strange. However, considering the breadth of the net and depth of the human psyche, I will sometimes be given pause to think, „Well, that’s a new one.“
Lady Sas: Sensory Deprivation/Overload is your specialty. Please explain what that means and how it works.
Domina M: While I can be quick, I prefer to progress my subject slowly into a trance. Usually, this includes more and more bondage elements. Restraints to control movement; blindfolds to control sight; gags and masks to control breathing; ear coverings to control hearing, etc. This is the deprivation part that calms the body and mind. Here I pivot strategies because the mind begins to crave stimulation, with even the slightest sensation amplified. Starting with something simple as light touches with fingertips, I gradually layer sensations depending upon the player. It doesn’t take too long before my subject’s mind is swimming.
This works with my obsession with „bio-hacking,“ the sympathetic nervous system. My subject bypasses the „fight or flight“ mode into the third option, fawn, or what we call „subspace.“ Effectively he is drunk on endorphins, adrenaline, and oxytocin from his own body. My ethics come into play here as someone in this state is especially vulnerable to suggestions–they are drunk! It’s crucial to respect negotiated boundaries at this time. Also, I am responsible for bringing the nervous system down in a safe landing with some aftercare.
Restraints to control movement; blindfolds to control sight; gags and masks to control breathing; ear coverings to control hearing, etc. This is the deprivation part that calms the body and mind. Here I pivot strategies because the mind begins to crave stimulation, with even the slightest sensation amplified.
Domina M
About Medical Games
Lady Sas: You also enjoy medical games. Which role do you feel most comfortable in here?
Domina M: The archetype of the medical professional who performs humiliating and even sadistic tasks for the patient’s „own good“ suits my disposition well. The doctor/nurse role makes for a flexible framework for a scene. It allows me to work with a beginner to a seasoned player and build more elaborate and intense activities. The soothing authority of the crisp, white uniforms level up the excitement for me.
Having said that, I am evolving into „bizarre clinic“ type sessions as it pairs well with my love for bondage. I am considering acquiring medical restraints, braces, and casting supplies to add to my repertoire. If I am not careful, I will run out of space for all my gear soon.
Lady Sas: Is there a scene in a session that particularly stuck in your mind?
Domina M: I have so many good ones; picking one would be difficult. I suppose one that „sticks out in my mind“ is one with a significant blooper. In the middle of a particularly intense scene–medical, with tubes deeply inserted–I removed a paper medical drape. I tossed it farther away than I thought, and it touched a lit candle. Fortunately, I had rubber mats on my floor and wore boots. Even today, it’s still funny to me thinking about keeping calm because I can’t have a „patient“ panic while restrained and full of insertables. Just maintain control of the situation while I quietly stamp out a literal fire in my dungeon.
For the past few years, I opened up my practice to include helping women find new ways to express their inner dominas and working with couples to communicate their fantasies with each other.
Domina M
Domina M talks about her private life
Lady Sas: Please tell us a bit about your private life. What do you do in your free time?
Domina M: My secret is I am still that nerdy kid who reads too much trashy science fiction, but I add more literature and psychology books in the mix these days. Despite what one might think, I do not have a stable of slaves; I prefer my alone time to give my play time and loved ones 100% when called upon. My hobbies are solitary or in small groups. I love personal sports and regularly engage in running, boxing, pilates, and belly dancing. This is good because I need to work off my other favorite hobby of cooking elaborate meals.
It’s taken a long time to find, and I am constantly refining it, but a healthy life balance makes me physically and mentally strong and an ever more capable domina.
Lady Sas: What are your plans for the future?
Domina M: For the past few years, I opened up my practice to include helping women find new ways to express their inner dominas and working with couples to communicate their fantasies with each other. As BDSM becomes more mainstream and accepted, this seems to be a natural evolution of the professional industry and a healthy one at that. Ten years ago, women sent their partners to see me because they felt it was something they could not handle. Now they make appointments with me to teach them directly. More women want to see what BDSM is about, and I am pleased to help them.
Lady Sas: Thank you very much.