Young, slim, attractive, smart and dominant: The private Femdom Adalya is a woman who makes the hearts of many subs beat faster. In this interview, we find out more about the beautiful, purely private femdom from Berlin.
Lady Sas: Dear Adalya, how would you describe yourself? As a femdom, mistress, bizarre lady, kinky lady or…?
Adalya: I would describe myself as a femdom. Although I tend to struggle with the usual femdom terms such as „mistress“, „lady“ etc. and therefore usually just use my name.
Lady Sas: How did you find your way into the bizarre world?
Adalya: Violence, power and coercion have always excited me. When I really realized what that meant, I had to learn to deal with it and I had (and still have to some extent) to work on it. Because of my strong sense of justice, I felt betrayed in my personal values by this very tendency and the associated physical arousal. I had to learn to classify this in order to bring it into harmony with myself. I took a few detours as a learning process.
In order to remain true to my moral values and socialization, as a teenager I persuaded partners with a willingness to experiment and openness to „other“ practices to dominate me and perform acts that I could eroticize for myself.
Looking back, I realize that at times I did exactly what I dislike the most today: „topping from the bottom“. It was only later that I understood how problematic it can be for everyone involved to get another person to do something that you are not prepared to do yourself without clearly communicating or accepting it.
I went to a BDSM club for the first time in 2010 and met a Dom who showed me a few things, but with whom it never went any deeper. I didn’t want to leave my comfort zone and preferred to stay in long-term relationships, even though I always had the feeling that a part of me was missing, but I didn’t want to give it too much space.
At some point, my ex-partner of many years, with whom I had always played the bottom, came up with the idea of swapping roles. What was initially intended as an experiment and seemed strange to me became a rabbit hole and I didn’t want to/ couldn’t go back.
This relationship no longer worked in terms of the sexual dynamic, but also didn’t last for other reasons.
Realizing that it can also work the other way around definitely liberated me. It was a total game changer to find out that there are people who surrender to me with passion and even enjoy the pain. I suddenly found it much easier to come to terms with my inclinations and discover myself on the top side and now live them out without bias.
I met many interesting and fascinating people along the way.
That’s not the only thing I can be very grateful to my ex-partner for 😀
Adalya: enchantingly beautiful, excitingly dominant. Private femdom from Berlin.
Interview with Adalya. Private Femdom from Berlin.
Lady Sas: Do men ever approach you and want to push you into the submissive role?
Adalya: Not necessarily overtly, but I notice (and this also applies outside the BDSM context) that very often female socialized people ask less primarily whether I can do something specific for them than to first see if the vibe/feeling fits at all.
There is also a difference between „I want the top to do xy to me (and preferably how)“ and „I just enjoy doing something for xy because I want to find out what my domme really enjoys“. With the latter, the dynamic feels much more coherent and I can really develop creatively.
I had to go through a few training rounds before I listened to my gut feeling and realized that I needed to distance myself more clearly from grey areas, paternalism and impatience. I now know what is possible and am more mindful of where my intentions lie and where my energy and time, as well as that of others, goes.
Lady Sas: What appeals to you about taking on the dominant role?
Adalya: There are few things more inspiring than leading someone in a safe environment where negative emotions have space and are then absorbed. Few things make my desire sparkle as much as triggering and observing reactions, emotions, overwhelm, helplessness, shame, pain and insecurity. The surrender, the genuine trust and the feeling that my counterpart is completely at my mercy are incomparable.
Violence, power and coercion have always aroused me. Adalya, private femdom from Berlin
About the personal Code of Happyness.
Lady Sas: What is particularly important to you in a session?
Adalya: It depends a bit on whether I’m playing with strangers at a party or with familiar playmates.
What is really non-negotiable is that first and foremost I have to be sure that the person can clearly recognize and communicate their own absolute boundaries. On the other hand, I also expect the other person to really surrender to me, give up control and trust me completely. It’s a balancing act and it requires a leap of faith from both sides.
What’s more, both parties really need to get something out of it and that’s not possible without having clear motivations. I sometimes find that the most obvious thing.
For example, if the other person wants to prove to me or to themselves how much they can take without making a sound, our motivations run contrary to each other because I’m predominantly less interested in just acting out aggression on someone.
The beauty of being able to really see the individual vulnerability of the other person is a gift and both of us should see it as such.
Lady Sas: What emotions do you feel in a really successful session?
Adalya: When the dynamics and situation are right, I can let my creativity run free and everything falls into place. I then lose myself as if in a flow. Then it’s just us and there are few things that can connect me with another person like a successful session with Aftercare. I would have thought it was pathetic to say that in the past, but for days afterwards I feel much more connected and fulfilled with myself and my environment. I feel more sovereignty and congruence. It’s a bit like I’ve cracked my personal code of happiness.
What was initially intended as an experiment and seemed strange to me became a rabbit hole and I didn’t want to/couldn’t go back.Adalya, private femdom from Berlin
Adalya about sub applicants.
Lady Sas: When does a sub have a good chance of getting your attention?
Adalya: Just like outside the BDSM context, I am fascinated by creativity, integrity, altruism and empathy. Bad chances to score with these qualities online but better chances to give me an impression of them unobtrusively at a munch, jam, event or workshop.
Lady Sas: When is a sub-applicant immediately out for you?
Adalya: When he wants to „try xy“ and at the same time „has already had some experience“.
Lady Sas: Is it important to you to develop yourself as a mistress? What are you doing about it?
Adalya: Yes, that is important to me. I regularly go to workshops, exchange ideas with other femdoms and people from the community, read up and work on my skills to ensure that I play as safely as possible.
However, I benefit most from the fact that one of my first play partners regularly cultivated detailed and honest feedback loops after sessions right from the start. It encourages self-reflection and improves our mutual understanding of our inner experience and therefore our play. I see it as mutual appreciation.
Despite all the further development, I still think it’s important to maintain a healthy balance and to differentiate between private pleasure and profession.
Lady Sas: Would you describe yourself as a feminist? And if so, what do you mean by that?
Adalya: I find it difficult to answer. I don’t think it’s enough to be a real feminist. I’m not politically active enough for that.
But I do try to correct my own actions in this respect and to look at the actions of others with care. I am concerned with gender issues, socialization influences and gender roles. I think it’s important to question how certain system conditions, thought and action patterns affect disadvantages, prejudices and discrimination of all kinds and how they interact with each other. People who can’t do anything with this, who don’t see the need to change anything or, conversely, don’t allow any room for learning processes, tend to repel me.
In my eyes, femdom also has something to do with emancipation and I would like to see this experience for many women. For me personally, it means freeing myself to a certain extent from over-conformity and I consciously look for people who support and celebrate my development and that of others, instead of being intimidated by it or feeling threatened in my own self-image and role model.
Lady Sas: What are your plans for the future?
Adalya: Somehow finding the balance between exploring further and arriving 😀
Lady Sas: Thank you for the interview.