Femdom explained: Meaning, Practices & Guide by Lady Sas

Femdom Guide by Lady Sas, private femdom author from Frankfurt am Main · Updated: September 22, 2025

Femdom is short for female domination (fem + dom) and is part of BDSM. A woman (Domme/Femdom/Mistress) leads; the man obeys as a sub and consents to submission. This dynamic rests on communication, clear boundaries, and safety. It includes practices from bondage and impact play to pegging. Lady Sas explains everything you need to know and gives practical examples.

Femdom–sub relationships vary widely. One femdom might choose an FLR, a female-led relationship, with only soft SM. Another enjoys the full BDSM spectrum with strict play, tease and denial, chastity, and cuckolding.

For a femdom there is only one real rule: she decides. The mistress does what is fun for her. A power imbalance is characteristic of a femdom–sub dynamic. The woman leads, the man follows.

Femdom vs. Dominatrix: Differences explained below in Is a femdom a dominatrix?

Role reversal: a detailed pegging guide with setup, hygiene and safeword handling.

🎧 Audio sample: Femdom Academy 1

Sit back and dive into the world of female domination.

Femdom Academy by Lady Sas — Practical Guide to Female Domination – 15-Min Audiobook Sample | Femdom

Curious for more? See Femdom Academy 1, 2 and 3.

Is a femdom a dominatrix?

There are often many terms floating around. Let’s clarify briefly. Dominatrix is the term for a woman who trains men professionally and gets paid as a pro mistress.

A femdom, by contrast, is a private mistress who does not offer paid sessions. I, Lady Sas, describe myself as a private femdom. In the very beginning I called myself a dominatrix even though I never trained slaves professionally. Today I would not call myself a dominatrix anymore, because most people understand a dominatrix to be a professional.

You can find overviews of dominatrices in my comprehensive Germany, Switzerland and International dominatrix guides, including many in-depth interviews for insight into the mistress mindset. A current highlight: on my page “Domina Munich” I introduce the leading pro mistresses in the city.

A femdom’s self-conception

As an expression of the power imbalance between femdom and sub, the femdom is often addressed formally while the sub is addressed informally. The femdom chooses a title, for example Lady Sas, Madame Sas, Mistress Sas, or Baroness Sas, to underline her superior status.

The femdom has the active role. Things should originate from her. The man is purely passive. That’s often why men feel comfortable as subs: they can switch off, stop thinking, and simply obey. This psychology is crucial. Accordingly, a femdom must get used to leading actively and taking the session in hand.

A femdom enjoys feeling her power and savoring the sub’s adoration. She can be sadistic and love to dominate and discipline the sub. The spectrum ranges from soft, loving femdoms to uncompromising mistresses.

A consensual role play

In a session, femdom and sub slip into their roles. It’s a time-limited, consensual role play. Beforehand, both align on kinks and set taboos. The sub’s taboos must never be crossed by the femdom.

The power imbalance is based on a voluntary and respectful foundation. It’s a sign of trust when a sub puts himself in a femdom’s hands. His humility and obedience are a gift to be honored.

Every femdom should remember she only has power because the sub gives it to her. Without the sub, she wouldn’t be a mistress. Both need each other. It’s give and take. That’s why a mistress does well to also consider the sub’s wishes and fetishes. She doesn’t need to say she’s accommodating him—it looks cooler if she appears to do only what she wants.

Some femdoms and subs formalize their interaction in a slave contract. It isn’t legally binding, but it clarifies key points. A practical guide and even an example contract can help you get started.

Popular femdom–sub practices

Many femdoms are BDSM practitioners who take pleasure in dominating, humiliating, and disciplining the sub. Bondage is a core element in femdom BDSM. The sub is restrained so he cannot resist—e.g., with ropes connected to wrist and ankle cuffs. A separate guide explains why bondage makes SM so thrilling.

Impact play creates pleasurable pain

There are numerous implements for punishment designed to trigger pleasurable pain in the sub—canes, floggers, whips, and paddles. You can dive deeper into impact play with expert advice and a dedicated field guide from femdom practice.

Nipple clamps are popular, as are hot wax and weights. Special BDSM candles with a lower melting point can make sensations more tolerable.

How pain turns into pleasure

At first, the body responds to striking with a stress reaction: adrenaline and cortisol rise, pulse and breathing increase. At the same time, the brain releases endorphins (pain blockers) and dopamine (reward/pleasure neurotransmitter).

Through trust and surrender to the mistress, pain is reinterpreted positively. This creates so-called subspace: a trance-like state that feels like “flying.” Comparable to a runner’s high during intense endurance sports.

👉 In short: pain + hormone cocktail + psychological surrender = pleasure and a feeling of flying.

It’s also true that there are fewer masochists in the scene than many think. Most subs experience pain as punishment. Femdoms use punishments to educate the sub and shape him according to their preferences.

Subs often test how far they can go. Femdoms must react immediately to provocations and punish them, otherwise they lose authority. A separate guide explains this principle in detail.

Pegging and cuckolding

With a strap-on dildo, the sub can be penetrated anally. This role reversal—pegging—is one of the best-known femdom practices and can produce a strong sense of power for the femdom.

Women also play with cuckolding, openly having sex with other men. The hotwife “puts horns” on her husband and humiliates him with her lover (the bull). It’s consensual; the cuckold enjoys it and finds fulfillment in his wife’s happiness. A dedicated cuckolding guide provides a deeper dive.

Chastity for the sub with a penis cage

Chastity with a penis cage is another core topic. The femdom holds absolute power over the sub’s sexuality. We speak of the keyholder and her chaste boy. It’s fun to wear his key playfully on an ankle bracelet, for example.

Just locking him away is boring. The thrill is to play with his desire and hope. “Tomorrow you’ll be let out,” says the keyholder. “No, not anymore, I’ve changed my mind.”

Chastity becomes even more exciting when the femdom regularly brings the sub to the edge with tease-and-denial, only to deny release at the last moment and lock him again. A detailed tease-and-denial guide and a full chastity cage guide help you choose the right device—there’s a huge selection on the market.

As a practical example of keyholder-led chastity, you can read a documented chastity journey of my sub Toytoy.

Mindfuck psychology and more practices

Femdom BDSM is a vast universe of possibilities—a huge playground for adults who want to live their sexuality freely and love to explore. Sophisticated femdoms keep finding new thrills for themselves and their partner. Psychology plays a big role; it’s far from only hitting and physical pain.

A mindfuck happens when a femdom deliberately misleads the sub’s feelings and expectations to trigger an intense emotional response. Example: the mistress raises stinging nettles and approaches the naked sub threateningly—but in reality she’s holding harmless dead-nettles.

Many things are possible: facesitting, rimming, or watersports (urine). Even outdoor sessions are an option as long as bystanders are not harassed.

Is femdom a kind of female empowerment?

Yes, the femdom role can express female empowerment. The woman leads, lives her desires, and self-actualizes. Sexuality is an important part of us. If women live it on their own terms, that’s a great thing.

It’s not about turning all women into femdoms. If you feel the desire, try it. Everyone else can be happy without this lifestyle. For inspiration, we’ve published the femdom story “Strict Office Visit.”

Femdom can align with feminism because it’s about self-determination, consent, and bodily autonomy. Important: the power shift takes place in role play. Outside the scene, man and woman meet as equals—unless they deliberately choose an FLR.

Female supremacy vs. femdom

Female supremacy is an ideology or fantasy claiming general female superiority. Femdom, by contrast, describes a consensual BDSM dynamic. Key point: femdom is about consent and boundaries—not the assumption that women are superior to men.

Femdom in culture, media and fashion

BDSM has taken a good step toward the mainstream, but it hasn’t fully arrived. “Dominatrix” is still not just any profession. Best-selling books like “Shades of Grey” reached millions and helped strip BDSM of a sleazy image, but the topic hasn’t fully landed in the societal middle.

In fashion and music, BDSM is no longer unusual—which some artists even regret, since it’s harder to provoke and grab attention.

Femdom in art

On our site you’ll find artists focused on femdom—e.g., the British artist Sardax, the artist Vilhelmina Van Dark (who even created a work from a Lady Sas photo), and the unique works of mondevos.

New in this field are AI artists who create fictional digital femdoms that are too beautiful to be true. The AI artist Chokebelt reveals the background in an exclusive interview.

Female dominance in film and TV

In film and television, femdom appears in subtle or explicit ways. Works like The Duke of Burgundy or series like Billions (Wendy as a dominatrix) place BDSM dynamics in an aesthetic and psychologically complex context. Rather than pure eroticism, the focus is often on the interplay of power, trust, and identity.

Female dominance in music

In music, artists such as Madonna, Rihanna, and Lady Gaga use visual codes—leather, whips, dominant poses—to stage power, control, and female self-determination.

Visibility in media and fashion

In media and fashion, femdom is increasingly used as a stylistic device. Glossy spreads with dominant female figures, often inspired by fetish fashion (latex, corsets, high heels), regularly appear in major magazines.

Ultimately, how culture treats femdom BDSM reflects broader debates about gender roles, power, and sexuality. The presence of dominant female figures confronts traditional notions of femininity with new images of control, desire, and self-empowerment. In short: femdom is on the rise. She is the boss.

Visual femdom codes

In visual representations of femdom BDSM, certain aesthetic codes immediately suggest power, control, and erotic dominance—especially clothing, posture, facial expression, and specific props.

Materials like leather and latex are particularly striking—not only linked to fetish but also to aloofness, coolness, and authority. Corsets, tight catsuits, or uniforms emphasize the body without revealing it and lend an aura of control and superiority.

Accessories like riding crops, whips, high heels, or collars point directly to sadomasochistic practices and leave no doubt about the power dynamic. In a separate article we also explore the widespread high-heel fetish in femdom BDSM.

The setting contributes to the visual language: rooms with dark colors, mirrors, metal, chains, or cages create an atmosphere between seduction and threat. Black and red dominate, symbolizing eroticism, danger, and authority.

Tips for femdom beginners and advanced players

The many options and practices can feel overwhelming at first. A step-by-step guide with tips and tricks helps you ease into your SM role.

How do you keep finding fresh ideas for sessions so play stays exciting? A dedicated article shares inspiration, and my book series gives femdoms and subs concrete, practical ideas for varied, pleasurable scenes. The “111 BDSM Play Ideas” guides have become so popular that a fourth volume is now available.

FAQs:

• What do you call a female Dom? A female Dom is called a femdom. Also common: Mistress, Domme, Madame.
• What does femdom mean? Femdom (female domination) describes a consensual BDSM dynamic in which the woman leads and the man follows as a sub.
• Is femdom the same as dominatrix? Not necessarily. Dominatrix is often used for professionals; femdom usually refers to private dynamics.
• Typical practices? Bondage, impact play, pegging, chastity—always with a safeword and clear taboos.
• Is femdom “dangerous”? With communication and safety rules you minimize risks; without knowledge/consent it can be dangerous.

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