Outstanding beauty with a touch of mystery: Mistress Gemma Li from Denver, Colorado, fascinates at first sight. But the Mistress has much more to offer than just an attractive appearance. She is also intelligent and profound and knows very well how to penetrate the psyche of her subs. In the interview we learn more about the stunning Dominatrix. Enjoy!
Lady Sas: Dear Mistress Gemma Li, please describe to us how you became a Dominatrix.
Mistress Gemma Li: Covid was a time of shedding conditioned habits that don’t serve me, questioning expected norms, and transitioning to an authentic self. I used it as an opportunity to leave a tech career of almost a decade to pursue something that allows me to be fully expressed and that aligns with my values.
I had no clue where I wanted to head next and walking into the unknown was uncharacteristic of me. What I did know was that continuing down the safe and expected trajectory wasn’t it. I considered other careers in the corporate sector and unexpectedly fell upon professional FemDom when one of my partners suggested it.
I rejected the idea of becoming a professional Dominatrix for a while. However, with a lot of reflection, my intuition kept guiding me back to it. I left the stability of my previous career for more fulfilling endeavors, so I wasn’t about to make the same mistake. Despite this being one of the most challenging decisions both in choosing and traversing the profession, there are no regrets and I am grateful that I have a choice. The lack of external input and constrictions of Covid paradoxically provided me the liberty to know myself which is now a never-ending journey as a Mistress.
Looking back on my previous relationships, most of them had semblance to a female-led relationship (FLR) though I didn’t have the language to describe it at the time. Perhaps this was the natural progression to actualize it at a larger capacity.
Mistress Gemma Li, Home-Base Denver, Colorado, USA
Mistress Gemma Li interviewed by Lady Sas
Lady Sas: What excites you about BDSM and training submissives?
Mistress Gemma Li: BDSM is an expansive arena where self-expression can flourish when done ethically. Humans are complex, and every D/s dynamic is unique in its meaning and impact. The same kink played out in one dynamic can be a completely different experience for the next depending on how it’s integrated into the participant’s identity. For me, specific activities are simply a conduit to the power exchange. True psychological submission is what turns me on.
Also, a favorite pastime is observing people which I am constantly doing in my practice. Noting the alignment between facial expressions, voice intonation, body language, what is said, and how they act. We all have an ideal self-concept of who we want to be or be viewed as, however, is that congruent with reality? If not, you can learn about a person’s motivations and desires if you listen to what is unsaid. Seeing the dissonance when playing with a submissive’s edge, pushing them further to please me, and getting them to fully surrender is interesting.
With my long-term submissives, I point out these incongruences and then create goals and/or tasks integrated into kink for them to better themselves for me. For instance, having them lose 50+ lbs, setting an allowance to save money with a portion of that tributed to me, taking an extended break from work due to burnout, keeping a log of their sexual practices then redirecting that energy to other productive activities, or noting how they aren’t showing up with integrity in their other relationships.
I enjoy understanding a submissive’s psyche, and who they are inside and outside of kink. My preference are for dynamics based in reality where my influence extends to areas of their lives outside of our time together. A submissive who is not well-rounded in life nor seeking a better version of themselves isn’t going to be useful or sustainable to me in the long run.
Lady Sas: You’re based in Denver, Colorado, but you also travel the world as a Mistress. What’s behind your wanderlust?
Mistress Gemma Li: I love traveling and equally love nesting in Denver. Being a Mistress allows me to combine work, play, and travel into one. I am fortunate my parents instilled at an early age the value of seeing the world. Travel provides the opportunity to expand my worldview through cultural immersion, new experiences, and learning from others.
The remarkable thing about humanity is that there are infinite ways to connect. Beyond language barriers, there is a universal language such as smiling, crying, touch, food, art, collaboration, appreciation, etc. Similar to BDSM, there is no absolute right or wrong way to live. The more pertinent question is, what is the intention behind what you do?
Mistress Gemma Li will visit Berlin and London in May
Lady Sas: Great news, Mistress Gemma Li will visit Berlin and London in May 2023. Are you seeing submissives while visiting both cities?
Mistress Gemma Li: My visit to Berlin will be a vacation though you can catch me at the German Fetish Ball and potentially other fun places like Berghain! I do have a couple of photoshoots and gatherings planned with fellow kinksters and artists in the city.
For London, I am currently accepting applications from submissives for the 22nd-25th of May. Those interested can catch my attention by applying at www.mistressgemmali.com/serveme.
Lady Sas: Have you been to Berlin before? What do you associate with the city?
Mistress Gemma Li: I have been to Berlin once. It was during my early BDSM exploration days. I associate the city with the dichotomy of following rules, yet non-conformist and intensely so. Berlin is more liberal and open-minded than the United States on various fronts like the recent law permitting women to be topless at public pools, nudity at certain clubs and spas, and the legalization of sex work. Kink is more hardcore and the party scene spans over several days at a time. There is great art, techno, latex, pastries, and late-night kebabs.
Lady Sas: In your travels through the different countries and cultures, have you noticed any differences in terms of BDSM? Or is it the same everywhere?
Mistress Gemma Li: Cultural milieus certainly impact on how we view sexuality, identify with it, and operate within it. Akin to how beauty standards differ between cultures, so does the preference for a particular style of domination, type of kink/fetish, or fetish wear. This varies from city to city within the United States as well.
I notice a correlation that the more restrictive a culture is socially, the more extreme the urge and embodiment of kinks tend to be. I believe there is a desire to find homeostasis and BDSM aids that balance. These are obviously broad statements and just my observation. Each individual’s predilections vary which makes this practice multifaceted. You can find at least one person anywhere who gravitates to your style.
About the corporate world
Lady Sas: You graduated with a degree in psychology from UCLA and later worked with executives in startup technology. Why did you leave the corporate world? And: Can you imagine returning to this world someday?
Mistress Gemma Li: I knew I didn’t want to stay in the corporate world forever. It took burnout before deciding to make a shift. I was playing into societal norms, and what was expected of me rather than playing to my strengths.
The tech industry is a male dominant industry, so playing by their rule book was exhausting. I witnessed toxic leadership, lack of boundaries, and how it permeates into company culture. For example, an executive once directed a drunk temper trantrum at me in the middle of the night over Slack. There was of course no mention about it from him the next day or thereafter. Another time, the president of a company called my personal phone at 5 a.m. because that was a “convienent” time for him. I wanted to tell these executives outright how their egos are getting in the way of their effectiveness. Ultimately I decided, why not dominate them instead?
All jokes aside, I have immense respect for submissives. It takes self-awareness, humility, and vulnerability to submit which is undeniably beautiful. My best submissives are often executive leaders or business owners. The toxic leaders I allude to wouldn’t be good submissives anyways.
And, if working in startup tech means entrepreneurs submitting to me as their Mistress, then yes, I already returned to that world. 😉
Lady Sas: When I clicked on your website, I got the feeling that I was looking at glossy, high-quality photos that I usually only see in Vogue Magazine. How important are photos for a professional mistress?
Mistress Gemma Li: I think it’s quite important depending on the types of submissives you are looking to attract. Creating a brand requires a vision of what you are trying to develop. In my case it’s the photos, language, and small details that matter. Humans tend to be visual creatures, so photos are the first thing submissives will be drawn to before they read any text. It provides them a glimpse into what serving you might be like.
About her great photos
Lady Sas: How do you get the photos? Does a fashion-photographer contact you, presents his portfolio, and invite you to take some shots? How does that work?
Mistress Gemma Li: It goes both ways, artists reach out to me and I contact artists whose work I appreciate. By the time an artist and I decide to collaborate, we know each other’s style then we brainstorm ideas togther. Otherwise, I leave most of the process to the artists since they are the experts in that domain.
Lady Sas: Is there a femdom and kink scene in Denver? How does society deal with the topic of BDSM?
Mistress Gemma Li: Denver has a few professional Dommes, but I have yet to come across a cohesive FemDom scene in my year and a half of living here. There are pockets of kink communities, spaces, and events though I wouldn’t compare it to other scenes as in New York City, Los Angeles, London, or other parts of Europe. I hope to one day be part of building a FemDom community and a broader woman-focused kink community in the city.
While sex work is illegal in Colorado, there are no laws that govern BDSM which creates a grey area for multiple interpretations. The majority of the United States bars sex work which elminates protection and rights for those in the industry as seen by the SESTA/FOSTA laws conflating any form of sex work with sex trafficking.
In Denver, I find people are supportive of genders, sexual minorities, and are relatively sex positive. My perception might be narrow because these are the groups I primarily engage with. All my friends know what I do, and I recieve nothing but support with a genuine curiosity. As in any society, there are always those who will misunderstand BDSM.
Lady Sas: What are your plans for the future?
Mistress Gemma Li: I prefer quality over quantity. I rather go to the depths than merely scratch the surface. This is true in most areas of my life including my practice. I am in the works of shifting my focus on more on long-term servitude for those with the taste for an FLR and lifestyle approach–making fantasy become reality. D/s in combination with coaching where I decide and oversee kink and life goals much like with some of my current submissives I mentioned before. Dominance that penetrates into my submissive’s every day life through on-going engagements outside of just our in-person time. Keep a lookout as I roll that out.
Lady Sas: Thank you very much for the interview.