Interview with Adalya, a Private Femdom from Berlin

Young, slim, attractive, intelligent, and dominant: Adalya is a woman who makes many submissive hearts beat faster. In this interview, we learn more about the beautiful private Femdom from Berlin.

This interview is part of our interview series with private Femdoms. Learn more about the topic in our Femdom Guide.

Lady Sas: Dear Adalya, how would you describe yourself? As a Femdom, Mistress, kinky lady, or something else?

Adalya: I would describe myself as a Femdom. That said, I’m not particularly comfortable with the usual Femdom titles such as “Mistress,” “Lady,” and so on, which is why I usually just use my name.

Lady Sas: How did you find your way into the BDSM world?

Adalya: Violence, power, and coercion have always aroused me. When I truly became aware of what that meant, I first had to learn how to deal with it, and it was something I had to work through—and, to some extent, still do.

Because I have a strong sense of justice, I felt that these inclinations and the physical arousal connected to them somehow betrayed my personal values. I had to learn how to understand and integrate them in a way that felt consistent with who I am.

Along the way, I took quite a few detours as part of that learning process.

As a teenager, in an attempt to remain true to my moral values and social conditioning, I encouraged partners who were open to experimentation and “different” practices to dominate me and perform acts that I could eroticize for myself.

Looking back, I understand that for a while I was doing exactly what I now dislike most: topping from the bottom. Only later did I realize how problematic it can be for everyone involved when you try to get another person to do something you aren’t willing to do yourself, without communicating that clearly or accepting it within yourself.

I first went to a BDSM club in 2010 and met a Dom who showed me a few things, although it never developed into anything deeper. I didn’t want to leave my comfort zone and preferred staying in long-term relationships, even though I always felt that part of me was missing—a part I didn’t want to give too much space to.

Eventually, my long-term ex-partner, with whom I had always played on the bottom, suggested that we switch roles.

What was initially meant as an experiment and felt strange to me turned into a rabbit hole, and I couldn’t—and didn’t want to—go back.

After that, the sexual dynamic in the relationship no longer worked, although the relationship ultimately ended for other reasons as well.

Realizing that things could work the other way around was incredibly liberating for me. It was a complete game changer to discover that there are people who passionately surrender themselves to me and even enjoy the pain.

Suddenly, it became much easier for me to confront my desires, discover myself on the Top side, and live them out without prejudice.

Along the way, I’ve met many interesting and fascinating people.

That alone is something for which I’m very grateful to my ex-partner.

Adalya, a Private Femdom from Berlin

Lady Sas: Do men ever approach you and try to push you into the submissive role?

Adalya: Not necessarily in an obvious way, but I’ve noticed—and this also applies outside the BDSM context—that people who have been socialized as female are often less likely to start by asking whether I can do a specific thing for them. Instead, they first try to see whether the vibe or overall feeling between us is right.

There’s a difference between saying, “I want Top X to do this or that to me—and preferably in exactly this way,” and saying, “I simply enjoy doing something for X because I want to find out what my Domme genuinely enjoys.”

With the latter, the dynamic feels much more natural to me, and I can really unfold creatively.

I had to go through a few learning experiences before I started trusting my instincts and realized that I needed to draw clearer boundaries around gray areas, patronizing behavior, and impatience.

By now, I have a much better sense of what is possible, and I pay closer attention to people’s intentions and to where my energy and time—and theirs—are going.

Lady Sas: What appeals to you about taking the dominant role?

Adalya: There are few things more exhilarating than guiding someone in a safe environment where negative emotions are allowed to have space and can then be cared for afterward.

Very little ignites my desire as much as triggering and observing reactions and emotions—overwhelm, helplessness, shame, pain, and uncertainty.

The surrender, the genuine trust, and the feeling that the other person is completely giving themselves over to me are incomparable.

Violence, power, and coercion have always aroused me.

— Adalya, private Femdom from Berlin

On Her Personal Code of Happiness

Lady Sas: What is especially important to you during a session?

Adalya: It depends somewhat on whether I’m playing with strangers at a party or with people I already know and trust.

What is absolutely non-negotiable is that I first need to be certain that the person is capable of recognizing and clearly communicating their own absolute boundaries.

At the same time, however, I expect the other person to genuinely surrender to me, relinquish control, and fully trust me.

That’s a balancing act, and it requires both sides to extend a certain amount of trust in advance.

Ultimately, both people really need to get something out of the experience, and that isn’t possible unless their motivations are clear. I sometimes find that to be one of the most revealing aspects.

For example, if the other person wants to prove to me—or to themselves—how much they can take without making a sound, our motivations may be completely at odds, because I’m generally less interested in simply taking out aggression on someone.

Being allowed to truly see another person’s individual vulnerability is a gift, and I think both people should regard it that way.

Lady Sas: What emotions do you experience during a truly successful session?

Adalya: When the dynamic and the situation are right, I can give my creativity free rein and everything comes together naturally.

I lose myself in it, almost like entering a flow state. At that point, there is only us.

There are very few things that can make me feel as connected to another person as a successful session followed by aftercare.

In the past, I would have considered it overly sentimental to say something like that, but even several days later I feel much more connected to myself and to the world around me. I feel fulfilled.

I experience a greater sense of confidence and inner consistency.

It’s a little like I’ve cracked my own personal code of happiness.

What was initially meant as an experiment and felt strange to me turned into a rabbit hole, and I couldn’t—and didn’t want to—go back.

— Adalya, private Femdom from Berlin

Adalya on Submissive Applicants

Lady Sas: When does a submissive have a good chance of getting your attention?

Adalya: Just as outside the BDSM context, I’m fascinated by creativity, integrity, altruism, and empathy.

It’s difficult to demonstrate those qualities convincingly online, but someone has a much better chance of giving me a subtle impression of them at a munch, jam, event, or workshop.

Lady Sas: What immediately disqualifies a submissive applicant for you?

Adalya: When he says he wants to “try X sometime” while simultaneously claiming that he has “already gained quite a bit of experience.”

Lady Sas: Is it important to you to continue developing as a dominant? What do you do to achieve that?

Adalya: Yes, that’s important to me.

I regularly attend workshops, exchange ideas and experiences with other Femdoms and people in the community, read and educate myself, and work on my skills in order to make play as safe as possible.

What has helped me most, however, is that one of my earliest play partners established a habit from the very beginning of having detailed and honest feedback sessions after we played.

It encourages self-reflection and improves our mutual understanding of what we experience internally, which in turn improves our play. I see it as a form of mutual appreciation.

For all the emphasis on personal development, though, I still think it’s important to maintain a healthy sense of proportion and distinguish between private recreational enjoyment and a profession.

Lady Sas: Would you describe yourself as a feminist? And if so, what does feminism mean to you?

Adalya: I find that difficult to answer. I probably wouldn’t qualify as a “proper” feminist. I’m far too politically inactive for that.

But I do try to reflect on and correct my own behavior in that regard, and I try to observe the behavior of others thoughtfully as well.

I’m interested in questions surrounding gender, the influence of socialization, and gender roles.

I think it’s important to examine how specific systemic conditions, patterns of thought, and behaviors contribute to disadvantages, prejudice, and discrimination of all kinds—and how those factors interact with one another.

People who have no interest in any of this, see no need for anything to change, or, conversely, refuse to allow room for learning and personal growth tend to put me off.

In my view, Femdom also has something to do with emancipation, and I would wish that experience for many women.

For me personally, it means freeing myself to some extent from excessive conformity and consciously surrounding myself with people who support and celebrate my personal growth—and the growth of others—instead of feeling intimidated or threatened by it in terms of their own identity or role.

Lady Sas: What are your plans for the future?

Adalya: Somehow finding a balance between continuing to explore and finally arriving.

Lady Sas: Thank you for the interview.

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FAQs

Who is Adalya?

Adalya is a private Femdom from Berlin, Germany. She describes herself as dominant, creative, reflective, and deeply interested in the emotional and psychological dynamics of BDSM.

How did Adalya discover Femdom?

Adalya explored BDSM for years before fully embracing the dominant role. A turning point came when a former partner suggested switching roles, which helped her discover how natural and fulfilling dominance felt to her.

What does Adalya enjoy most about being dominant?

She especially enjoys guiding another person, triggering emotional and physical reactions, and experiencing the trust and surrender that can develop during an intense BDSM session.

What is important to Adalya during a BDSM session?

Clear boundaries, trust, communication, and genuine surrender are essential to her. She also wants both people to understand their motivations and benefit from the experience.

What qualities does Adalya look for in a submissive?

Adalya values creativity, integrity, altruism, and empathy. She prefers people who approach BDSM authentically rather than focusing only on specific acts or fantasies.

How does Adalya continue developing as a Femdom?

She attends workshops, exchanges experiences with other people in the BDSM community, studies relevant topics, practices her skills, and uses detailed feedback after sessions to improve.

What does Femdom mean to Adalya beyond BDSM play?

For Adalya, Femdom is also connected to personal freedom and emancipation. It has helped her move beyond social expectations and explore her desires more openly and consciously.

How does Adalya describe a successful Femdom session?

A successful session can put her into a flow state in which creativity, trust, intensity, and connection come together naturally. She describes the feeling afterward as deeply fulfilling and grounding.